you capture: I ate that!

Want to know the best way to find a lost camera?
Met someone famous.
Wait 24 hours.
Bam! Lost camera found.

Good news is, yes, MY CAMERA HAS BEEN FOUND!!
Bad news is..it was found just a day after meeting Kate Flannery, who plays Meredith on The Office.
Just my luck.

But regardless, I loooove having my camera! For some reason, carrying my camera with me helps me to view the world differently. Even if I'm not looking through the lens. Kind of weird, I know, but it's true. But this is why I love participating in the "You Capture" posts, cause it gives me an excuse to carry my camera around and take pictures at times that I normally wouldn't, which in turn, often inspires me :)

Onto the "meat" of this post...
This Thanksgiving was actually pretty sad. I LOVE my family Thanksgiving, my mom's side of the family all gets together and we generally have around 40 people there. My family is loud and competitive and hilarious. And I just love it. This year, I had to miss out on that for the first time [the joys of living 10+ hours away, right?]

Ryan and I's Thanksgiving "feast" consisted of grilled ham and swiss sandwiches.
Whoopie.
[But don't get me wrong, I am so thankful that we have that food to eat! So many people around the world go to bed hungry every night, so I have no right to complain about a delicious grilled sandwich!]


But, well, I wasn't about to give up on Thanksgiving dessert...

In the process, before baking

All done!

I made, what I kept referring to as, "the prettiest pie you ever did see"
It was an Apple Cranberry pie with a "holly" decorated crust and "snowflakes" on top.
It didn't turn out as pretty as I had pictured in my head, but it's not too shabby!

who i am

I said to Ryan the other day, "I found who I want to be today."
And then that seemed kind of silly. And I laughed.

I want to be her.
Wardrobe filled with vintage clothes [which she totally rocks].
An equally-as-hip family. Seriously though, did you see them? Her daughter's name? Milla Plum.
I mean, seriously, this girl like oozes glam.
And she has her own FABULOUS studio and she plays dress-up with her friends.
Swoon....

And for a long time, I wanted to be Hayley Williams.
Because, well, she is a rockstar.
In every way possible.
And her hair kills me.
Kills me in a OH-MY-GOSH-I-WANT-YOUR-HAIR-RIGHT-NOW-BUT-I-CAN'T-BECAUSE-I-AM-LOOKING-FOR-A-REAL-JOB-AND-ALSO-I-SAID-I-WOULD-NEVER-GO-ALL-OUT-WITH-DYING-MY-HAIR-AGAIN kind of way.
Sigh...

I guess I could spend all my time and money shopping at the many fabulous vintage stores I've already fallen in love with.  Or maybe rock a new $100+ hairstyle every month. But I know the money I would spend on a such things would be put to much better use by helping take care of this cutie.

Of course, little Phoebe is much bigger now, but you know :)

So, I guess it's okay that I don't ooze glamor.
I don't mind that I don't get to rock a new outfit every-other day.
Or a new hairstyle every month.
I don't really care that I'm not the lead female of the best band [practically ever. kind of.]
I don't mind that I don't have a studio, or lots of stuff that I don't really need.
Cause I know that my reward is in not here on earth, but in heaven.
I'm perfectly happy with who I am. With who God has made me.

a life in waiting

I feel like so much of our life is simply waiting.
Wasteful, wasteful waiting.

I waited...
for 9th grade [once you're in high school life doesn't get any better]
to turn 16 [once you have your driver's license life doesn't get any better]
for graduation [once you're in college, life doesn't get any better]
to get engaged [once you're engaged, life doesn't get any better]
for graduation (again) [once you're done with college, life doesn't get any better]
to get married [once you're married, life doesn't get any better]

And here I am.
Waiting.
Again.
It's a never ending cycle.

It seems we are never satisfied.
Why is that?
I wonder if it's a flaw, if I should be satisfied.
Content where I am at.
Or if maybe it's how I'm supposed to be. How we're supposed to be. Unsatisfied.
Cause when you're unsatisfied, life can always get better.
And that's what we need. People who know that life can be better and do something to make it that way.

But I don't want to waste my life away in waiting.
I can be unsatisfied and looking forward to what God has in store,
but I can also live in today right?
I wonder how that's supposed to look. Cause I don't think I'm doing it right.

Anna

I first met Anna in Uganda, over a year ago. She arrived during my last couple of weeks there. By that time, I was spending all my "babies home time" with David and Patience. She was often sick, and spent a lot of time resting up to build strength for another long day. I believe we worked different shifts for those weeks that our time in Uganda overlapped. Needless to say, it wasn't an ideal environment for friendship to begin. Our relationship could have been best described as "fellow volunteers"

Mmm, grasshoppers!

I didn't have a picture of Anna and I together, but I did find one of our babies together, Lucas and Phoebe

Upon returning home, we both realized we had left a huge piece of our hearts in Uganda. We both longed to be back "home", looking through our pictures over and over again, reliving the memories, searching facebook and the internet for updated news on the little ones we loved.

But Anna's experience was different than mine. It is filled with heartache, tradegy and loss beyond belief.

Most of the children at The Bulrushes, Watoto's baby home, get the chance at growing up in a family. In a home with siblings and a mother. But there are the few whose lives are cut short and don't get that chance.

Little Lucas was one of those few. 

Anna was his only chance at having a mother.

She took the challenge on with reckless abandon and gave her Lukie-Lou all she had.

(You can read Anna's story on her blog: glittersmallworld.blogspot.com, and BONUS she is one of the most incredible writers! Her words will leave you breathless)

Lucas

Anna and her son

Anna is beautiful beyond words, both inside and out.

She took her hardship and brokenness and made it into something good.

She uses her God-given talent to share her little boy's story.

She shares his story with everyone, everywhere.

She is making a difference.

Anna is now in South Africa, (until at least January, maybe longer) working at a different babies home.

I love that. I love that even though her heart was so completely broken after her last trip to Africa, she still went back. I love that she didn't let her heartache keep her from God's plan for her.

Folding laundry...you can hardly find her in there!

Our friendship has grown into, and will continue to grow into, something beautiful. Something that can only be credited to the God we serve. Anna was the only one who truly understood my heart aching for Uganda. So many times I would read her blog and be left astounded and with tears streaming down my face. It was like my thoughts were being typed into words on her blog. Anna put it best when she said, "I think God has totally fashioned our hearts out of the same stuff..." It's so true. 

Anna, you inspire me. I am so beyond grateful for your friendship. Thank you for being exactly who you were created to be!

[Will you join me in praying for Anna? For her safety in South Africa, for her heart and for peace and comfort. For joy and happiness. And anything else you want to lift up for her! Also pray for her family and especially for her fiance David, who must be missing her terribly while she's away]

victor cafe

Ryan and I have been married for three months now.
It seems like a long time to us, but we know that in 10, 15 years this little milestone will be like nothing.

I only share this because for our "anniversary" we had a fabulous date! We went to Victor Cafe in South Philly, which serves fine Italian cuisine. Big deal, right? But get this, the waiters are all trained opera singers. Every 10 minutes or so the restaurant gets quiet to hear a server sing an aria (read: an opera solo). The cafe was pretty small, so each singer filled the place with their voice. Beautiful.

Sidenote: The first song that was sung when we got there was "I Could Have Danced All Night" from My Fair Lady, and the whole staff sang it. Not really opera, but it was so cool to be seated and then all of a sudden everyone breaks out in song! Like living in a musical...which, let's face it, would be a splendid life.

Check out these videos I found on youtube:
Victor cafe video 1 (ignore the lady's posed pictures in the beginning and end, haha)
Victor cafe video 2


Once again, no pictures :(

I'm lazy, okay?

Wow. It has been much too long since I've updated my blog.
Which is partly intentional, partly because of circumstances, and partly just plain laziness.
My computer has been on "it's last thread" for about, oh, 3 years.
A couple of weeks ago I thought for sure it had bit the dust. Constant warnings about no memory kept popping up, but after removing nearly ever single darn file on this thing, there was nothing I could do. And then it just shut down. That was it. It wouldn't turn on. Nothing.

But I gave it another try a couple of days ago, it turned on is running like nothing ever happened. Sheesh. One day this thing will fizzle out on me, and THEN I'll have an excuse to get a nice, new, shiny computer :) But until that happens, I know my money is better spent elsewhere.

So that's reason number one by blog posts have been lacking.

Reason number two? Well, my life is simply boring these days.
Honestly.
I can feel my brain turning to mush from all the television I've been watching.
So I have nothing really to blog about.
And my emotions are...stagnant, I guess...lately. I haven't had a night where I've cried myself to sleep thinking about the orphans of Uganda in quite some time. I haven't had any new ideas or thoughts. It's odd. I'm not sure if I'm upset about that or looking at it as a blessing. Because as much as having a broken heart stinks, I know having a broken heart is better than having no heart at all. I would much rather be crying for the fatherless than not even thinking of them at all. But maybe, God is sparing me the pain for right now.


Reason number three?
God is pulling me in a different direction. A path that I would have never chosen for myself.
And He's been pulling me in that direction for quite some time, but only recently have I begun to truly accept it and explore the options.
I'm not quite ready to share that path yet.
I'm still kind of angry about it. And very scared. And not quite sure what to do. And also, extremely excited for where God is leading me.

So there you have it.