what we did in philly

I decided I'm going to start a re-occuring post called, "What We Did in Philly"
Because that's fun. And I want to.
And it's my blog, and not yours.
So there.

I guess Ryan was feeling bad that we spent so much time sleeping and watching movies over the past couple of weeks because well, that's my everyday life (it's a harsh life, I know.) But I kind of think he was more bored than feeling bad, which was why he was itching to get out so badly.

So, we decided to head out in the city and venture over to Doggie Style, a little dog supply store about a mile away. We found a little dog on petfinder that we wanted to meet, and she was being "sheltered" at that store. But just our luck, we got there and our little pup had been adopted just a few hours earlier. I don't know what it is with us finding the perfect dogs and always being just a little too late, but it's getting pretty annoying.

After that, we went out for lunch. Mainly because we're too cheap to go out for dinner...lunch is cheaper AND you can split a meal! We thought the best way to find somewhere to eat would just be to wander around until something looked good.
Ummm. Best. Idea. Ever.
Because if we had planned out where we were going to eat, we inevitably would have ended up here:

Don't get me wrong. I love me a greasy greasy burger, but I would like to discover more in this city than Five Guys, thank you.

Walking around lead us to this little treasure

Jake's Sandwich Board.
Sooo freaking good. Ridiculously good.
Like, "I want to marry you" good. Except, not really. Because I'm already married. And also, I don't think you can legally marry a sandwich. But, did you hear about that guy in Australia who married his DOG? He legally married his dog.
Back to the point.
So, we get "The Classic." Which is odd that it's the classic, because this place seems to special in their BBQ pulled pork, and this was a meatball sub. But whatever. The description of this sub was, "Homemade meatballs, roasted garlic spread, marinara, topped with mozzerella cheese, onions and baby spinach" Sounds good right? Well surprise! It was freaking way better than it sounded!
(We also got fries and a birch beer, which essentially is root beer but just so much better, because Jake's knows how it's done)

So, clearly we looooved Jake's. And will probably go back there all the time. It was inexpensive, a perfect size to split and SO DANG GOOD.

After filling our bellies, we walked over to Retrospect, about another mile away. Retrospect is probably my favorite place in the city [at least so far]. It's a vintage clothing/home decor/accessories store. I love it! We've only been there twice, and really haven't bought that much from them, but I just find it spectacular! I love to browse through everything. I could spend hours in there. Sigh...
But yesterday's trip was a bust. At least for me. I tried on a bunch of stuff, but none of it was for me. I did like one dress, but I would have to change the sleeves and I didn't feel like adding more to my long list of projects to do on my new sewing machine just yet. We did get Ryan a tie. And I regretfully decided against buying this green flower brooch I liked. I wanted to get a picture of me there, trying on some clothes but it was super busy and there were like 12 angry girls waiting for me to get out of the fitting room. Yikes. So I decided against it.

I did get this lovely picture of me by one of the huge game pieces by the municipal building, across the street from City Hall.

Isn't City Hall just the prettiest? I love it. We learned on our tour that it took over 30 years to complete! It's the second largest masonry building in the world, meaning it's made entirely out of bricks/concrete/marble, etc. No nails or wood.

And then we came home.
And skyped with the fam for Brooklyn's 7th Birthday! Happy Birthday Brooklyn! I can't believe she is already 7!! My goodness!!

And that was our day in Philly!

my style "crushes"

I've developed some new style "crushes". You know, people who have totally rockin' style that I simply swoon over. And, as most of you know, I'm getting super into vintage clothes so you probably won't be too surprised by my recent crushage developements.

Style crush Numero Uno: Zooey Deschanel
She's kind of "indie" with some vintage flair, and seems so fun and always super adorable.


500 Days of Summer is one of my favorite movies, and I love Zooey's character's style in it.
(Funny side story: My sister said to me before I saw this moive, "I thought it was a love story. And then in the beginning, they say, 'This is not a love story.' and I was like, 'Yes it is.' Turns out, they were right" Hahaha)
Anyways...back to the point.

I'm diggin' the short/tights/oxford-esque flats combo

And Zooey looks equally as fabulous when she's just herself

Loving the berry colored tights! And the contrast between them, her shiny shoes and that fantastic cream dress

So much good in this picture...the navy/yellow combo was done flawlessly (being from Michigan, I'm always nervous to try this color combo), the couch, the wall color, her tights (again)...so much good...

and BONUS! Her sister is Emily Deschanel, who just so happens to play one of my all-time favorite TV characters, Dr. Temperance Brennan on "Bones"

 

Annnnnnd Style "Crush" Number Two: Emma Pillsbury from Glee

Okay, seriously, how can you NOT love Emma from Glee? She's really prim and proper and meticulous AND she is super cute and retro. I'm loving the vintagey-vibe from her wardrobe.

She has me so into brooches now

I love how perfectly she pulls off this monochromatic outfit

Ahhh, swoon with me, will you?

squealing is my only reaction

Look what I got today:

Oh, hiiiiii new best friend!

This was my Christmas gift from Ryan's Nana and Poppa.
[THANKS NANA AND POPPA!]
I am SO EXCITED about it, and I can't wait to learn all about it and start using it tomorrow (in my new and improved crafting area at that!)
Be prepared for future posts of my fantastic creations.

funny. in a not-that-funny kind of way.

Wanna know what's funny?
I write blog posts all the time.
But then I just never publish them.
Literally, if you could log onto my blogger account, and go to the "edit posts" tab...you would find countless unpublished posts.

Not-that-funny, huh?

I've been reading some blogs lately.
And by "reading" and "some" I mean, I found this blog that I adore and it has consumed all of my computer time for the past, oh I don't know..month or so? I went back to almost her first post (in 2008) and read it from there to present-day.

Reading her blog made me realize a couple different things.
1. I am kind of a downer. No, really (I know you all don't believe me.) I'm not sure when this occurred, because I'm pretty sure I used to be...I don't know, not a downer. But I decided I want to change that. So from here on out, I'm making a conscious effort to be more happy.
2. I am frumpy. And I've only been married for 4 months and I'm only 22. This is not okay. More to follow on this.
3  I need more light-hearted posts on my blog.

So here's to a non-frumpy, more up-beat and light hearted Nancy.
[here, here!]


And also....

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY, JULIE!!

My computer is sssllllooooowly dying, and it's to that point that I can't upload any recent pictures to it. So...um, here's Julie and I, 3 years ago, enjoying some chocolates. Hahaha. Hope you got to do something just as lovely for your 21st Ju!! Love you
(Please note my hair. Isn't it the coolest thing you've ever seen? Thought so.)

P.S. Remember that time that Ryan was sitting next to me on the couch and he gets up and says, "I'm going to put my computer away and then I'm coming back upstairs and we're gonna do something!" and then a half hour later I was still sitting up here alone? Probably because he's looking at guns online? Yeah, that was funny.

P.P.S Ryan finally came upstairs and I said, "Don't read my blog post." And he said, "Are you actually going to publish this one?" and then I laughed a little too hard.

um, hi?

Ryan came home from studying at the library, and jokingly in a "lovey-dovey" voice, greets me:
"Hello my little fuzzy, wuzzy bear! My pookie wookie dookie...[serious voice] Oh. I probably shouldn't call you 'dookie'."

No. No, you probably shouldn't.
But boy, was that funny!

wedding blogs

Without a doubt, the best part of wedding planning was reading wedding blogs. I would spend hours upon hours locked up in my little dungeon of a dorm room, clicking page after page of beautifully unique and inspirational weddings.
Oh the world of wedding blogs...it sucked me in. And I enjoyed every blissful minute of it.

I had plans to submit photos of our weddings to a few of my favorite blogs, but our photographers beat me to it. Which I'm totally okay with, because guess what...Ryan and I are featured on one of the nation's top wedding blogs today, Inspired By This!!!

Check us out!

you capture: I ate that!

Want to know the best way to find a lost camera?
Met someone famous.
Wait 24 hours.
Bam! Lost camera found.

Good news is, yes, MY CAMERA HAS BEEN FOUND!!
Bad news is..it was found just a day after meeting Kate Flannery, who plays Meredith on The Office.
Just my luck.

But regardless, I loooove having my camera! For some reason, carrying my camera with me helps me to view the world differently. Even if I'm not looking through the lens. Kind of weird, I know, but it's true. But this is why I love participating in the "You Capture" posts, cause it gives me an excuse to carry my camera around and take pictures at times that I normally wouldn't, which in turn, often inspires me :)

Onto the "meat" of this post...
This Thanksgiving was actually pretty sad. I LOVE my family Thanksgiving, my mom's side of the family all gets together and we generally have around 40 people there. My family is loud and competitive and hilarious. And I just love it. This year, I had to miss out on that for the first time [the joys of living 10+ hours away, right?]

Ryan and I's Thanksgiving "feast" consisted of grilled ham and swiss sandwiches.
Whoopie.
[But don't get me wrong, I am so thankful that we have that food to eat! So many people around the world go to bed hungry every night, so I have no right to complain about a delicious grilled sandwich!]


But, well, I wasn't about to give up on Thanksgiving dessert...

In the process, before baking

All done!

I made, what I kept referring to as, "the prettiest pie you ever did see"
It was an Apple Cranberry pie with a "holly" decorated crust and "snowflakes" on top.
It didn't turn out as pretty as I had pictured in my head, but it's not too shabby!

who i am

I said to Ryan the other day, "I found who I want to be today."
And then that seemed kind of silly. And I laughed.

I want to be her.
Wardrobe filled with vintage clothes [which she totally rocks].
An equally-as-hip family. Seriously though, did you see them? Her daughter's name? Milla Plum.
I mean, seriously, this girl like oozes glam.
And she has her own FABULOUS studio and she plays dress-up with her friends.
Swoon....

And for a long time, I wanted to be Hayley Williams.
Because, well, she is a rockstar.
In every way possible.
And her hair kills me.
Kills me in a OH-MY-GOSH-I-WANT-YOUR-HAIR-RIGHT-NOW-BUT-I-CAN'T-BECAUSE-I-AM-LOOKING-FOR-A-REAL-JOB-AND-ALSO-I-SAID-I-WOULD-NEVER-GO-ALL-OUT-WITH-DYING-MY-HAIR-AGAIN kind of way.
Sigh...

I guess I could spend all my time and money shopping at the many fabulous vintage stores I've already fallen in love with.  Or maybe rock a new $100+ hairstyle every month. But I know the money I would spend on a such things would be put to much better use by helping take care of this cutie.

Of course, little Phoebe is much bigger now, but you know :)

So, I guess it's okay that I don't ooze glamor.
I don't mind that I don't get to rock a new outfit every-other day.
Or a new hairstyle every month.
I don't really care that I'm not the lead female of the best band [practically ever. kind of.]
I don't mind that I don't have a studio, or lots of stuff that I don't really need.
Cause I know that my reward is in not here on earth, but in heaven.
I'm perfectly happy with who I am. With who God has made me.

a life in waiting

I feel like so much of our life is simply waiting.
Wasteful, wasteful waiting.

I waited...
for 9th grade [once you're in high school life doesn't get any better]
to turn 16 [once you have your driver's license life doesn't get any better]
for graduation [once you're in college, life doesn't get any better]
to get engaged [once you're engaged, life doesn't get any better]
for graduation (again) [once you're done with college, life doesn't get any better]
to get married [once you're married, life doesn't get any better]

And here I am.
Waiting.
Again.
It's a never ending cycle.

It seems we are never satisfied.
Why is that?
I wonder if it's a flaw, if I should be satisfied.
Content where I am at.
Or if maybe it's how I'm supposed to be. How we're supposed to be. Unsatisfied.
Cause when you're unsatisfied, life can always get better.
And that's what we need. People who know that life can be better and do something to make it that way.

But I don't want to waste my life away in waiting.
I can be unsatisfied and looking forward to what God has in store,
but I can also live in today right?
I wonder how that's supposed to look. Cause I don't think I'm doing it right.

Anna

I first met Anna in Uganda, over a year ago. She arrived during my last couple of weeks there. By that time, I was spending all my "babies home time" with David and Patience. She was often sick, and spent a lot of time resting up to build strength for another long day. I believe we worked different shifts for those weeks that our time in Uganda overlapped. Needless to say, it wasn't an ideal environment for friendship to begin. Our relationship could have been best described as "fellow volunteers"

Mmm, grasshoppers!

I didn't have a picture of Anna and I together, but I did find one of our babies together, Lucas and Phoebe

Upon returning home, we both realized we had left a huge piece of our hearts in Uganda. We both longed to be back "home", looking through our pictures over and over again, reliving the memories, searching facebook and the internet for updated news on the little ones we loved.

But Anna's experience was different than mine. It is filled with heartache, tradegy and loss beyond belief.

Most of the children at The Bulrushes, Watoto's baby home, get the chance at growing up in a family. In a home with siblings and a mother. But there are the few whose lives are cut short and don't get that chance.

Little Lucas was one of those few. 

Anna was his only chance at having a mother.

She took the challenge on with reckless abandon and gave her Lukie-Lou all she had.

(You can read Anna's story on her blog: glittersmallworld.blogspot.com, and BONUS she is one of the most incredible writers! Her words will leave you breathless)

Lucas

Anna and her son

Anna is beautiful beyond words, both inside and out.

She took her hardship and brokenness and made it into something good.

She uses her God-given talent to share her little boy's story.

She shares his story with everyone, everywhere.

She is making a difference.

Anna is now in South Africa, (until at least January, maybe longer) working at a different babies home.

I love that. I love that even though her heart was so completely broken after her last trip to Africa, she still went back. I love that she didn't let her heartache keep her from God's plan for her.

Folding laundry...you can hardly find her in there!

Our friendship has grown into, and will continue to grow into, something beautiful. Something that can only be credited to the God we serve. Anna was the only one who truly understood my heart aching for Uganda. So many times I would read her blog and be left astounded and with tears streaming down my face. It was like my thoughts were being typed into words on her blog. Anna put it best when she said, "I think God has totally fashioned our hearts out of the same stuff..." It's so true. 

Anna, you inspire me. I am so beyond grateful for your friendship. Thank you for being exactly who you were created to be!

[Will you join me in praying for Anna? For her safety in South Africa, for her heart and for peace and comfort. For joy and happiness. And anything else you want to lift up for her! Also pray for her family and especially for her fiance David, who must be missing her terribly while she's away]

victor cafe

Ryan and I have been married for three months now.
It seems like a long time to us, but we know that in 10, 15 years this little milestone will be like nothing.

I only share this because for our "anniversary" we had a fabulous date! We went to Victor Cafe in South Philly, which serves fine Italian cuisine. Big deal, right? But get this, the waiters are all trained opera singers. Every 10 minutes or so the restaurant gets quiet to hear a server sing an aria (read: an opera solo). The cafe was pretty small, so each singer filled the place with their voice. Beautiful.

Sidenote: The first song that was sung when we got there was "I Could Have Danced All Night" from My Fair Lady, and the whole staff sang it. Not really opera, but it was so cool to be seated and then all of a sudden everyone breaks out in song! Like living in a musical...which, let's face it, would be a splendid life.

Check out these videos I found on youtube:
Victor cafe video 1 (ignore the lady's posed pictures in the beginning and end, haha)
Victor cafe video 2


Once again, no pictures :(

I'm lazy, okay?

Wow. It has been much too long since I've updated my blog.
Which is partly intentional, partly because of circumstances, and partly just plain laziness.
My computer has been on "it's last thread" for about, oh, 3 years.
A couple of weeks ago I thought for sure it had bit the dust. Constant warnings about no memory kept popping up, but after removing nearly ever single darn file on this thing, there was nothing I could do. And then it just shut down. That was it. It wouldn't turn on. Nothing.

But I gave it another try a couple of days ago, it turned on is running like nothing ever happened. Sheesh. One day this thing will fizzle out on me, and THEN I'll have an excuse to get a nice, new, shiny computer :) But until that happens, I know my money is better spent elsewhere.

So that's reason number one by blog posts have been lacking.

Reason number two? Well, my life is simply boring these days.
Honestly.
I can feel my brain turning to mush from all the television I've been watching.
So I have nothing really to blog about.
And my emotions are...stagnant, I guess...lately. I haven't had a night where I've cried myself to sleep thinking about the orphans of Uganda in quite some time. I haven't had any new ideas or thoughts. It's odd. I'm not sure if I'm upset about that or looking at it as a blessing. Because as much as having a broken heart stinks, I know having a broken heart is better than having no heart at all. I would much rather be crying for the fatherless than not even thinking of them at all. But maybe, God is sparing me the pain for right now.


Reason number three?
God is pulling me in a different direction. A path that I would have never chosen for myself.
And He's been pulling me in that direction for quite some time, but only recently have I begun to truly accept it and explore the options.
I'm not quite ready to share that path yet.
I'm still kind of angry about it. And very scared. And not quite sure what to do. And also, extremely excited for where God is leading me.

So there you have it.

pumpkiny things

That new post I mentioned in my last post, the one that was still brewing in my mind? Well, it's still brewing.
[Kind of. It's more of a "I'm not so sure I want to share this" now than a "I don't know how to say this exactly"]

So...onto other things. This year, I am really loving fall. Normally, I hate this time of year. Sitting around, waiting ever-so-patiently for snow to cover the ground [except, it's really not so patiently]. And it just seems like it lasts for so long, for too long. But not this year. This year, I'm loving fall. [Which is sad, because I'm not in Michigan, the best state for fall!!]

Along with loving fall, has come the absolute obsession with pumpkiny things. Pumpkin lattes. Pumpkin cookies with cream cheese frosting. Pumpkin bread. Our latest creation?

PUMPKIN PIE SPICE ICE CREAM!!

We got an ice cream maker at our shower before we got married. This is our second creation with it. And it is FABULOUS! It's just vanilla based ice-cream with 3-4 teaspoons of pumpkin pie spice (nutmeg, cinnamon, clove, etc.) and crushed up cinnamon cookies.

Yum.

weekend

I'm working on a new post.
But the words don't come as easily to my fingers waiting patiently on my keyboard as they do to my mind.
So, as we all wait for my fingers to catch up to my brain....

This weekend was a beautiful weekend. Ryan took two whole days off of studying and we got to enjoy each other's company. Which, surprisingly, is rare (but will be so worth it when Ryan is done with school).

We had a sleepover in our living room :)
Complete with junk-food and staying up late watching movies and silly TV shows.

We went shopping for some new fall clothes. And came home with cable knit sweaters and thermals. Yum.

We walked around our new "home", getting to know the city just a little better by looking for somewhere to get a good Sunday-morning breakfast (after we missed the bus to get to church) and a little something for a special little girl who is turning 4 this week!

We enjoyed our favorite Starbucks drinks (Thanks, Epic Church!!)

We breathed fresh air.
We stepped outside our house today and the air was crisp. And fresh. And oh-so-good. I never thought that I would miss the smell of fresh air. I actually didn't even realize I wasn't getting it until this morning, when I took a breath and my insides were like "Oh yeah! FRESH AIR!"

We enjoyed a delicious lunch with one of Ryan's friends from Haiti.

Up next? Making ice cream!

I would include photos, but my camera is still missing :(
I know, I know. My blog will very quickly get very boring with out ANY pictures...but bear with me! It'll show up soon enough!


Mom and Emily, enjoy my "We did this. Then we did this. Now we'll do this" post :)

dreams.

Ryan and I are quite possibly the worst two people to be sharing a bed. Pretty much every night, one of us wakes the other up for one reason or another.
Like Ryan elbowing me in the face.
Or pushing me off the bed.

But most often, its because one of us is having a crazy dream.

Last week I woke Ryan up because people were in our kitchen.
After our chicken.
Because it was poisoned.
And oh shoot, we had chicken pot pie.
How did the chicken get poisoned?
Chicken crystals.

And a few days ago I woke up to find Ryan sitting on the edge of the bed, following something on the floor with his finger.
Our conversation went something like this:

Rye, what are you doing?
There's a bug.
WELL TURN ON THE LIGHT AND KILL IT.
[lays down] Nevermind.
No, not nevermind! Turn on the light and kill that bug!
There's not a bug.
Then what was it you were looking at?
Nancy! It was my scalp!
Your scalp?
[no answer]
Ryan! Turn on your lamp and see if there is a bug!
Nancy! There is nothing there.
Then what the heck were you following on the floor?
I don't remember.
Then please, turn on your light and see if it was a bug.
NANCY! IT WAS A PIECE OF WHAT MY HAIR GROWS OUT OF!
Ryan! You were not following your scalp across the floor!
[No answer]

And then he fell back asleep and I was stuck awake because the thought of a bug anywhere near me is enough to keep me up all night.

maybe

Ryan started school on Monday. And since I don't have a job yet, that leaves me home alone for most of the day. Which gives me a whole lotta time to think.

And I've been thinking...
Maybe my constant heart break is intentional.
Maybe it will never "go away" and that is all part of God's plan.
Like, He knew from the beginning of my life that He would send me to Kampala, Uganda in 2009 to have my heart broken. And that it would never be healed.

And I guess I'm okay with that.
Without the heartache, I'm no so sure I would feel so...called.
There would be no urge to do something.
Without the heartache, maybe many future orphans of the world would go on hopeless.
Maybe because of my heartache, I will be one to deliver His hope.

I always thought that one of these days I would get back to Uganda, and my heart would be at peace and I would be happy.
But maybe that's not the case.
Maybe I'll always be broken.
And maybe, that's exactly how I'm supposed to be.

freedom is here.

Worship.
It's incredible how refreshing it is.

My day consisted of...
Doing laundry.
Cleaning.
Writing thank-yous. [uh, the dreaded thank-yous]
Dealing with Ryan's all new kinds of sassy this morning.
Killing 4 bugs.
Being alone.
It wasn't the best day. [but hey, it wasn't that bad]

But come 2 o'clock, and I start playing my new Hillsong CD.
Ahhhh....like a breath of fresh air.
My saddened heart completely changes when worshiping.
When I worship I'm reminded that I serve a God much bigger than anything this world has to throw at me. That I worship a God greater than any heartache I experience. That I praise a God who knows exactly what He's doing with my measly life.

And today, I while I was worshiping and my "spirit" was being lifted out of its typical state of sadness, I began to think about those who don't believe in Christ. Where do they go when they are feeling down in the dumps? They have nothing REAL to put their faith into...I never want to know what that feels like.

I imagine it feels...

empty.

hopeless.

lonely.


Lord, thank you for finding me at the very beginning of "me."
I am truly grateful that I never have to know what my life would be like without You.
Let my life be a shouting proclamation of who You are. To show those who do not yet know.

And so it is

And so it is.
Life goes on.
Like it always does.
Regardless of what you want or intend to do.

So it is.

Last night, while hanging out with my husband's classmates, I heard someone ask the question, "If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?"
I sat there, wishing with all my heart that the question wouldn't make its way around the room to me. Because the tears are inevitable.
I hate that question.
Not because I don't know how to answer it, but because I know EXACTLY how to answer it. No hesitation. No time needed to think. I know where my heart is. Where I would go. And that question brings my mind right back to where my heart remains.

I remember sitting on that porch, rocking my little David to sleep. Crying. Praying. Wanting to never leave that moment. Trying so hard to burn into my brain every little detail so that I would never forget.[please disregard what I adoringly call my "bad Uganda hair plus I probably haven't showered yet today" appearance]

But here I am. Life goes on.
I still wish that I never had to leave that moment.
That it could have lived on forever.
But it does, in a way. In my heart.

I know it's for the better.
That I left, that is.
At least, that's what I tell myself.
God's up to something, and someday, I'll know what that something is.


Also, this post would have probably been more upbeat and a little less repetitive of most of my other posts if I had my camera available. Hopefully I'll find it soon and be able to show you some new-found favorite places :)

I'm baaaack, the sequel

Ahh....and I'm back.
It's a been a while since my last update, and I think it's an understatement to say I had an incredibly busy summer!
I planned a wedding. And did tons of the details all by myself. So that took forever.
But we're married now!
And then we went on our honeymoon to Isla Mujeres, Mexico. And it was fan-flippin'-tastic.

We moved just one short week (er, 4 days) after our honeymoon, so now we're in Philadelphia and absolutely loving it!! Ryan will start school on Monday, and maybe one of these days I'll get a real-world grown-up SUCKY job [which I'm excited about, can you tell?]
I hate posts like this. Ones like, "This is what I did. Then I did this. Now I'll do this." But now that everyone is caught up, I can get back to the real blogging that I like to do
[And hopefully I'll find my camera soon]

i love you

I've been too busy with wedding jazz, that I just haven't wanted to update in a while. When I have a moment to just sit, I like to read or craft something. Anyways...I had to share this today cause it's too cute not to.

So last year, I was in Uganda from May 9-July something (I don't remember the day I came home as well) Since it's been a year, every day or so I read through my journals from those days so I can recall what I was doing on each day last year.
My entry from July 5th helped me recall a day when Patience was sick and David was frustrating me beyond belief. I think he was just jealous of all the attention Patience was getting. So while I was feeding him lunch, both of us acting childish and angry, he looks at me and says "I wuv you" Ahhhh, arrow through the heart. It definitely put into perspective how silly I was being by getting so frustrated with an adorable two-year old boy (it happens, I know). Anyways, from that moment on he would say 'I love you' a lot and I got it on tape one day.
Enjoy :)
And maybe begin to understand why my heart is where it is, I mean how can you NOT fall in love with that?!

trying to look on the bright side

As much as I talk about how life sucks on this blog, I want to use this to remember that my life doesn't suck :) My life is far from sucking and I need to be remember to be grateful for all the blessings that have been poured out on me.

I will choose to praise my God even though I feel as though I'm being drug through the valley.
I will choose to be a blessing, an advocate for God's love.
I will choose to use my struggles to strengthen my faith, not weaken it.

So as I say that, I'm starting to feel as though I have my answer as to why God has me here and not there (like I was blubbering about in my last post). I think I've known for a long time. But I'm still not sure I'm ready to accept it. It's funny, cause as frustrated as I can get with not knowing every detail of God's plan for my life, I DO KNOW that that is what is best. Cause everytime God reveals one tiny little morsel of this huge plan I'm like, "Really? Nah...I don't think so." And I hem and haw over it for waaay too long. It's silly really. Like when God first told me to go to Uganda, it was a good...oh...six months before I was like, "Allllllright. I get it. I'm going, I'm going." And then it was another four months before I even mentioned it to my parents. Silly.
So this new development (which actually is not so new, like I said) is still simmering in my brain. And I won't reveal it until I'm ready to, so don't bug me people :)

I'm glad my God knows that it takes time with me. I'm glad that He can be patient with me even when I can't be with Him. I'm glad that He will continually love me and do what's not only best for me but what will be so perfectly fit to me it could only be credited to him. I'm glad that even through my all too wavering faith in Him, He will always be there.

i need africa in my lungs again

I need Africa in my lungs again.
I need to feel Uganda on my skin.
My heart is constantly breaking.
Constantly longing to be back to its home.
Often times on my way to work, the time where it's just me...I just cry.
Still.
It has been a year since I was there.
A YEAR.
And I'm still crying.
But now, along with my crying, I'm starting to get angry. Sometimes really angry.
I look at the pictures and listen to the stories and read of others who are getting to return to my heart's home. And I cry and I get angry. Because I know I have years and years until I will able to return.

"What are you doing to me, God?"
"Why them and not me?"
"Why do you have me here?"

Most of the time it is a battle with my heart and my head to trust in my God and his plan for my life. My heart keeps telling me this is not where I belong, somewhere along the line, something got messed up. I'm supposed to be in Uganda. But my head tells me that God knows what He's doing, He has proved time after time that His plan is much better than my own.


I'm clearly missing something, right? Right?
I've gotta be here for a reason;I would like to think that I'm going through all this for something.
It can't be that I'm here simply for Ryan to finish school. It just can't be.
I know my God has made me for more than that.
Much much more.
I've dared to dream big.
Much bigger than most would say is rational.
They better not be right.
This all better be worth it.

One year ago today, was my first day of looking after David and Patience. I had already fallen completely in love with my little Phoebe and was about to be swept off my feet by David and Patience. And I was foolish enough to think I would be able to return to my every-day life after leaving Uganda.

e sesh. as in engagement pictures for all you not active in the wedding-blogging world

EEEEE!!!
I cannot even contain my excitement.
Not today.
Not yesterday.
Not last night when I was desperately trying to fall asleep.

Why you ask?

Well.....Ryan and I took our engagement pictures yesterday with the incredibly talented Bryan Laubhan and Kelly Mae Stier with Bryan Laubhan Photography.

When I say incredibly talented...I mean like ridiculously, stupidly, specatular-creativity-oozing-from-their-ears kind of incredibly talented.
No. Really. They are.

We all had so much fun.
[despite the thousands upon thousands of bugs]
And I CANNOT WAIT to get our pictures. But I'm gonna have to wait 2 to 3 weeks. I'm not so sure I'm gonna make it.

BUT, Mae and Bryan gave us a little preview.
A one picture preview.
Ooooooo. I hope that one picture can keep me content until we get to see the rest of them.

And it just may, because it is spectacular.
be sure to click on the picture to see it in its full-size majestic beauty



















See?
You're drooling aren't you.
I told ya they were good.

Be sure to visit their blog and oogle and google and "ooooo" and "ahhhhh" over all the dreamy images.
And then hire them :)

got freedom? thank a veteran!

Happy Memorial Day!

I'm super patriotic.
I love my country.
I love where I live, where I came from.I am truly proud to be an American.
And I know that all of that is possible because of people who have fought for our freedom.

THANK YOU VETERANS AND THOSE CURRENTLY SERVING!

you capture: sky

mmmmm, I love when the daises at my parent's house are in bloom.
Daises are my all-time favorite flower.
"Don't you think daises are just the friendliest flower?"
[name that movie]
Yes, yes I do.

And I love watching them reach into the sky. Stretching out to the sun.

leave it to the song artist

I was just sitting.

The moment strangely reminisciant of my time in Uganda.

I was missing those adorable babies.

Wanting to cuddle and kiss them.



And then this song came on my pandora.


Brooke Fraser said the words that I was trying to say here, but soooo much better. When I posted that blog, I was worried people would think that I meant "burden" as a bad thing. Which was I was not trying to say. At all. I was trying to say....


"Now that I have seen, I am responsible.
Faith without deeds is dead.
Now that I have held you in my arms,
I cannot let go til you are


I am on a plane,
Across a distant sea.
But I carry you with me.
And the dust on, the dust on, the dust on my feet.

I will tell the world.
I willl tell them where I have been.
I will keep my word."

I miss you Uganda. I miss you babies.
But I'll be back.
Someday.
I just know it.

you capture: depth of field

I had a sleepover last night with my 3 year old niece. She is absolutely adorable; extremely shy and anxious around new people and situations (which you can see when she twirls her hair around her little fingers). She keeps to herself most of the time, but always has that look on her face that makes you wonder exactly what is going through her 3 year old mind. And when she does talk...well, she tends to say the cutest things. Take a look at a few of our conversations from last night:

Me: Seraya, do you know what time your bedtime is?
Seraya: Um...normally like 49.

Mom: What do you do at bedtime? (Trying to get a better idea of her bedtime routine)
Seraya: Uh, go to bed.

This morning, I wake up to wide-eyed Seraya right next to my face just looking at me.
Me: Oh, good morning Seraya! Have you been awake for a long time waiting for me?
Seraya: No. I sleep with my eyes open.
Me: So you're sleeping right now?
Seraya: [silence, just looks at me]



I was pretty excited about this week's challenge. It meant learning something new!
I read up on depth of field and how to change the aperture on my camera...only to discover my little ol' cybershot only allows for 2 aperture settings :(


I messed around with it for a while, and the 2 settings my camera had made little difference to the focus/fuzziness ratio (I'm so technical, impressive right?) and having it on manual mode greatly reduces the quality of my pictures. Which I could figure out how to change, but I just wasn't up for it.



So I had to settle for this semi-okay macro shot.
Don't get my wrong, the models (my niece with her awesome bed-head and her curious george stuffed animal) were adorable.

youcapture:DOF

let the "DIY-ing" begin!!

I've finally started with my long list of DIY projects for the wedding!!
It felt so good to be making stuff! I guess being so bogged down with school and RAing, I just didn't have the time to be creative with anything other than projects, programs and bulletin boards [thank the lord that that is done with forever] I had forgotten how much I love to create!

I've learned this about myself: If I'm ever grumpy, just leave me alone with some craft items and let me be creative!

Last night I made the sign for our "goof booth"
It turned out exactly as I had imagined [don't ya just love when that happens]
Sigh, I'm looking forward to the rest of my DIY projects...when I can be alone and let my creative juices run wild!

Love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient and kind.
Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.
Love does not demand its own way.
Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged.
It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.
Love never gives up,
Never loses faith,
Is always hopeful, and
Endures every circumstance.

I've been thinking about love lately.
And personally, I think this verse is "over-used" (is that even possible?) and often misquoted or taken out of context, so I don't like to "use" it very much. But the more I thought about love, the more this verse kept coming to my mind.

It blows my mind to think about God's love for us. I know we are made in his image, and the marriage relationship is meant to be a reflection of sorts of Christ's love relationship with His church. But honestly, how often does our human love look like this verse? Can we honestly say all of our actions are out of love? Are we always patient and kind? Are we always pleasant to be around, never irritable or keeping a record of every little thing anyone has ever done to tick us off? Are we always flexible and willing to do things in ways that are different than our own? I know I can answer all those questions for myself with
a BIG FATTY "NO"

Human love rarely looks like this verse. This verse can only 100% describe one kind of love, and that (lucky for us) is the love that our God has for us! How stinkin' incredible right?

Now, I'm not saying that humanly love sucks. Or that we shouldn't strive to look like this verse. But I know that if I put all my hope in human love, I will surely be let down. But it's interesting, because the more and more I'm let down by others' love, the more I am in awe of God's love for me. A love that will never ever ever let me down. No matter what.

Thanks for that, Jesus.
I think you're pretty cool.
Also...if you send me back to Africa soon, I promise to do my very best to show your love to some little cuties over there . Just sayin' ;)

you capture: yellow

Really. This is pathetic. I need to get updating this! I have had so many moments that I've wanted to blog, and just never got to it.
Oh, goodness.

So, for this week's you capture, the theme was "yellow." I wanted to do an outdoor shoot but it's been raining all week, so I had to settle on model-less pictures in my room. Not exactly what I wanted, but whatever. Here's pictures of my favorite yellow scarf.


you capture: yellow

you capture: spring [again]

Spring.
It can be seen in so many things.
Like puddle jumping in fresh spring-rain puddles with two little cuties [and my mom] :)


you capture: spring [again]

going vegan for a bit

So...I've decided to try a vegan diet for 30 days. My friend Sarah is vegan, and wanted our group of friends to "Take the Pledge" [or something] for 30 days. So I said I would do it, for her.

Since I'm back home for the summer, I had to make a deal with my mom to get the food...she buys what I put on the list and I'll make dinner all week. No big deal, I like cooking and I guess it'll be preparation for cooking dinner once Rye and I are married.

Here's what I made for our first meal: Vegan Stir-fry!! Not too bad! Wish me luck to stick with this for a month!!

You Capture: Spring

Took me long enough, right?
I was too busy with finals and checking-out residents and packing up my things to post ANYTHING last week. I went from one you capture post to the next! Ooops :)



This weeks theme was spring. So instead of just taking pictures of flowers, I tried to spell out "Spring" in various things that I think of when I think of spring.
Like graduation, playing frisbee, blooming trees, spring rain and new growth.

You Capture: Sweet

Gobbstoppers

and Gumballs

So...I REALLY wanted to have a photo shoot with a little kiddo getting all sticky with a huge colorful lollipop for this week's topic of "sweet." But since I live on a college campus, even seeing a little one on campus is a treat. So I had to settle for the candy in my room.
But the pictures turned out really great. I love the bright colors!

And this next one won't scream sweet to any of you...but it does to me.

This is Ryan. He is the R.A. for one of the guys' floors here in Copeland.

Every week, we have a mandatory Copeland staff meeting. We always start off with "professional development" which basically means someone is assigned to bring snack and an activity for the group.

This past Wednesday was our last staff meeting, and Ryan had professional development.
First, he went to Goodwill and bought us all a mug. Each mug described us in a certain way...my mug was Christmassy because he said, "Christmas brings joy (especially to little ones) just like Nancy does!"

(The next part of the activity was based off of our community read for the semester, "Three Cups of Tea" by Greg Mortenson. For those of you who have not read it, Greg Mortenson explains the Pakistani culture in regards to tea by saying, "We drink three cups of tea...the first you are a stranger, the second you become a friend, and the third, you join our family, and for our family we are prepared to do anything...")

So next, Ryan brings out these boxes of tea he brought. He said, "During training in August, it was like we were drinking our first cup of tea together. We were strangers. And then, through out the year, we were continually drinking our second cup of tea, slowly deepening our friendships. For our last staff meeting, I would like to drink our third cup of tea...making us family."

It was so sweet.
Lots of tears.

You capture-sweet